Oh No, Not Another My Immortal Commentary!
by Turlough Humperdinck
Summary: A My Immortal commentary, written by a "fanfiction writer" with no skills. Rated T for tremendous.
1. Chapter 1

**My Immortal doesn't belong to me, and so is Harry Potter. What I own is everything in bold.**

* * *

Chapter 1.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)

**(Yes, I get it, and to be honest it's a lame pun. An incredibly lame pun.)**

2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.

**(Obviously she didn't help much.)**

U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

**(THE SMITHS ROCK TOO!)**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way

**(Her parents actually named her Dementia?)**

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears

**(Whoa, whoa, girl, that's one hell of a description.)**

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).

**(I know who she is, I'm not dumb. Holy Rassilon.)**

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.

**(INCEST.)**

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.

**(It's not that vampires have wavy, green teeth either.)**

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England

**(HOGWARTS IS IN SCOTLAND.)**

where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).

**(Yeah, Captain Obvious.)**

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black.

**(Oh, yes, of course, I can't tell, even though in the author notes you have stated that you're "goffik".)**

I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.

**(I don't think such clothes are allowed in Hogwarts.****)**

I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.

**(Is describing your make-up necessary? I don't think so.)**

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about.

**(Snowing and raining..** **_at the same time_****?)**

A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

**(That's a bit rude, don't you think?)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was….

**(Your mum?)**

Draco Malfoy!

**(Oh.)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

**(Shyly? ****_Shy_****? A shy Draco Malfoy?!)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

**(Wow, that was such an interesting conversation.)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!

**(No, it's not.)**

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**What do you think about this commentary? I've wrote a Jo Belle commentary before and I think it's pretty rubbish, so that's why I'm writing another commentary, because I want to write a better one. Reviews are welcome, flames aren't.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!

**(Wait a second, I'm not a prep, aren't I?)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again.

**(It's very strange, the universe you live in.)**

I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

**(Why don't you wear a T-shirt or something? It's not that they celebrate Halloween every day at Hogwarts.)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me.

**(God, ****_no_****, we don't need another Mary Sue.)**

She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.

**(Let's see - Willow woke up, grinned at you, flipped her hair, and then she opened her eyes? She grinned with her eyes shut?)**

She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.)

**(You're so creepy, both of you.)**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.

**(Whoa, whoa, calm your tits.)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

**("So fucking don't", huh?)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

**(Yeah, and I'm the son of "Weird Al" Yankovic.)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**(Great, a cliffhanger thrown in pointlessly.)**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

**(If you don't want to get flamed, then write a better story which is not a trollfic about a blood-drinking "goffik" lunatic.)**

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists.

**(Well, that escalated quickly.)**

I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.

**(Can you tell me why did you put on foundation in the previous chapters?)**

I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car.

**(Are you sure it's Draco who owns the flying car, and not Ron Weasley?)**

He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!).

**(*scratching my head; wondering if Draco would want to dress like that in canon*)**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice.

**(Because the nicest way to show depression in a sentence is using exclamation mark.)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.

**(And suddenly I have an instant opportunity to turn this into a PSA: "Kids, don't do drugs. It'll change you into goffs.")**

When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.

**(What, don't you want to watch the concert while you're still in the car? That would be a memorable experience.)**

We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
They're all so happy you've arrived  
The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).

**(I know that. I'm not a goldfish.)**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice.

**(I don't know, but some people may disagree. Including your boyfriend.)**

Suddenly Draco looked sad.

**(See?)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

**(Are you sure?)**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face.

**(Ehm, her face isn't blond, but her hair is. *picturing a girl whose face is fully covered with blond hair*)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

**(WOW! Super mega fantastic! I wasn't expecting that! You're such a great writer!)**


End file.
